文中词汇表达灵活多样,学术词汇的使用还需加强;若注意一些语法错误,文章会更漂亮;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Almost all of us had been told the argument that nothing succeeds without a strong will when we were still in primiry school.However ,as time going by,many people failed to persist in the meaning of the argument. In the realworld, we are cheated by the illusion that other people just succeed with ease.What is presented in front of us is just the result,but what is ignored by most people is the efforts that others have make to get close to success.For example,Mayun,the CEO of the Alibaba ,was obscure before he became famous.Most people just see the wealth that he earned by the Electronic Business,but failed to see the hard works behind the splendid success.Before he was known as the pioneer of the Electronic Business in China,he changed many jobs such as waiter,salesman,worker and so much.But in the end he made it,which resulted from his strong will. Gone are the days when poeple lived a hard life.So we can live a easy life without hard work?For us ,students,if we choose to kill our time by playing games,chatting online and many other relaxing things,we are meant to fail with no question.If we want to succeed,we must put the argument above into prectice.