如若增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;作者能较多样地使用词汇,学术词汇的使用也比较灵活;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Dear principle, I'm writing to tell you about the discussion we've had about whther a mobile phone should be brought to school. About 70% of my classmates thinks is not required to bring mobile phone. Two reason is in support of the view point. A view is impact concentrate on learing. Another view is increase the economic burdens of parents. About 30% of my classmates think that we can bring it but must turn off the phone. Is the new era,student can not use old ideas constraints. That all the view point. thanks Yours sincerely Li Hua