可适当增加从句和复杂句使用;词汇表达较丰富,学术词汇的积累还有很大的空间,文中有些单词拼错了;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Nowadays, more and more college students are joining the army of workers. According to a recent survey, It is reported that about twenty-five percent students are getting part-time jobs. And the number of people is even more in summer vacation, up to about seventy-two percent. Most of the part-time jobs that students are taking are tutors, servants and salesmen. why do so many students want to work whiley they are studying in universities. I think there are the following reasons. First, they want to make some money to pay for the increasing tuition fees and help their parents to lighten some heavy burdens. Second, they want to be economically independence so that they can buy something they want to have. In my opinion, doing part-time jobs is a good way to get some experience and put what we have learned in school to the social practice, it is more easier for us to get a better job after graduating from school. In addition, we can get in touch with all kinds of people and things, which can enhence our outlook. Everything has advatages and disadvatages. The part-time job shouldn't be the obstacle of our schoolwork.