文中词汇表达较丰富恰当,但学术词汇稍显不足;若增加一些从句的使用,文章会更不错;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Dear principle, I'm writing to tell you about the discussion we've had about whether a mobile phone should be brought to school. About seventy percent students believe that it is not necessary for students to bring the mobile phone to school. There are mainly two reasons for this opinion. one is that we just couldn't concentrate ourselves on study since playing games, chatting online with friends and strangers or watching video is more interesting than studying hard. some of the students couldn't help playing, chatting or watching instead of working hard in class if we have a mobile phone by hands. The other is that having a mobile phone will cause a heavy economic burdens for our parents as some of the families are not rich enough to afford such expensive objects. However. about 30% students are in the opposite opinion. They firmly believe that we should be allowed to bring the mobile phone to school but it is wise to turn off them in class. It is because the social is changing and developing all the time and teachers and parents can't keep the students with a certain old discipine anymore. yours sincerely Li Hua