单词拼写很棒,可考虑增加学术词汇的使用量;可适当增加复合句和从句的使用;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Dear principle, I'm writing to tell you about the discussion we've had about whether a mobile phone should be brought to school. About seventy percent students believe that it is not necessary for students to possess a mobile phone. There are mainly two reasons for this opinion. one is that we just couldn't concentrate ourselves on study since playing games, chatting online with friends and strangers or watching video is more interesting than studying hard. some of the students couldn't help playing, chatting or watching instead of working hard in class if we have a mobile phone at hand. The other is that having a mobile phone will cause a heavy economic burdens for our parents as some of the families are not rich enough to afford such expensive objects. However, about 30% students are in the opposite opinion. They firmly believe that we should be allowed to bring the mobile phone to school but it is wise to turn them off in class. It is because the society is changing and developing all the time and teachers and parents can't keep the students with a certain old discipline anymore. Yours sincerely Li Hua