可适当增加从句和复杂句使用;作者在学术词汇方面要多下功夫,有些单词拼错了;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Should University Students Go in For Business? Nowadays,more and more college students are pursuing an independent life.They are stongly eagering to gain lots of experience to adapt the society which will help them to get a better job after graduating.However,as we all know that each coin has two sides.Some teachers and students think that will influence their study,while others view are vary from person to person,they think students go in for business will be better for them to adapt them to society.As far as i am concerned,i think university students go in for business will bad for them. Not only their study ,but their interests,their relationship with classmates and their value of their future also be influenced.The following are some of my reasons why it is bad . Firstly,university students go in for business will influence their study.We all know that deligence is the mother of success,and no pains no gains.So,students need to spend much time to study,especially for thoses major in language,they need lots of time to practice their spoken language, read literature and remember vocabulars.From this aspect we can clearly see that students have not enough time to go in for business.What's more ,going in for business need to pay much attention on it and much energy,but college students have not so much time and energy to spend on it, so university students should not go in for business. Secondly,university students go in for business will influence their hobbies.we human beings are easyly influenced by environment around us.If one is always stay with those who like speak dirty words and do some thing bad for health.Such as drinking and smoking.He might pick up the bad habbits and go into a worry way.At the same time ,in order to get more benefit,they may do something obey their willingness ,or even damage their freinds.They want to earn money too eagerly to lose themselves.So university students should not go in for business. Last but not least,university students go in for business will influence their correct values of their future.College is a stage for students to build themselves well and guide a right way for them towards life.If them spend too much time to go in for business ,they may lack of the time to build themselves.so students need to pain much time on their personal development.Only in this way,can they find a good job after their graduation. All in all,university students should not go in for business,because that will waste their valuable time of studying and influence their personal development.Moreover,taht may let them pay a heavy lose of value in terms of their development.So college students need to study well on campus rather than go in for business for light profit.Chances are waiting for those who prepared well.