文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文中应增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Nowadays many students are use the phone.Someone think they are fashion another tend to keep in touch with their family and friends. Using the phone is not bad,but some students take it in school,especially in the classroom,sometimes,i could hear the sounds from the phone which have a great influence in our study.Besides,some send the message to others that waste the precious time. In my view,classroom is our study's place,we all need quilt.Students shouldn't use phone in the classroom.We should concentrate on study not use the phone.In addition,In order to ensure students could study well,School should plan a rule