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如若增加一些长难句的使用，会为文章添彩；文中词汇较灵活，但要注意积累学术词汇，拼写错误也要注意；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
nowadays,I've heard that some college students hire cleaners to clean their dorm.I'm shocked.Actually,I disapprove of that.As a college student,we are the youth,we should be hard working and do the cleaning by ourselves. First,In college we should work hard,cleaning can help us develop the hard working ability and this ability can help us become a hardworking person.It will have a great effect on our studing.Cleaning the dorm is a very simple thing and hiring cleaners suggest we are too lazy to do the clean by ourselves.We can't abandon ourself to too much enjoyment.Second,dorm is our home.cleaning the dorm is our own bussiness we should do it by ourself.we can't rely on the cleaners. we are the independent grown youth.Third,hiring cleaners will spend 60 yuan a month. As well as I know,most college students ask their parents for the money.Parents are working very hard to rear us,we shouldn't waste their money. In my opinion.as college students,we should do these cleaning things by ourselves.Don't be a lazy person,be a hardworking ambitious independent youth.Be responsible for ourselves.
