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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；句法知识很棒，若增加一些从句的使用，文章会更出色；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
The Day My Classmate Got Injured Today, my classmate, Lily told me that Tim got injured in a traffic accident yesterday morning. He usually go to school by bike. But yesterday morning, he went to school on foot at 8:00AM. He was hurt by a car when he will go through the cross street in front of supermarket gate. This moment, Lily saw Tim fell down and immediately run to him and lifted him up. The car driver send Tim to near the hospital with Lily. Lily called their teacher and me. We had received the information and went hospital at once. We have requested the driver to leave in ￥ 5000 for Tim and did not to leave. A doctor request Tim to check all body. And then the doctor deal with his arm and Tim went to school at 10:00AM this day. Fortunately, he was not badly hurt. His arm was minor injury, but his bike was seriously break, it was not run.
