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可适当增加从句的使用，注意文中的一些小错误；文章用了较为丰富的词汇，学术词汇略显单薄，同时注意单词拼写的检查；语言不流畅；连词使用偏少。
More and more students want to become government employees after they grudate fome college.Many people support it but others against it.One coin has two sides.On one hand,not only do they get good pay but also they can have more holidays after they get the jobs.On the other hands there are so many people join in the exams that we are likely to lose the chance to become a government empioyees.We will waste much useful time.Also we can find other better jobs. The reasons why do they so crize with the civil service exames? The first reason is that they feel little confident about themselves and they don't know how to seek a suitable job.So taking the exams is the best choice for them.The second reason is that chinese people tend to respect persons who work for government employees.They will get a sence of success.The lost but not least,after they retired from their job,they can get a better retired wage. In a word,we should have a cautious altitude to the exams.
