文中应增加一些长难句的使用,会为文章添彩;作者能较多样地使用词汇,学术词汇的使用也比较灵活;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Recently,there is a controversial issue whether people should put all eggs in one basket.Some people hold the opinion that we can gain the maximum profits by putting all eggs in one basket.However,others argue that it is an unwise choice if all eggs are broken. In my perspective ,putting all eggs in one basket is unwise. There are some reasons in more details .For one thing,if the basket,with all eggs ,drop from the desk,it means that all eggs are broken .In contrast,we can reduce the possibility of broken eggs if we put eggs separately in each basket.For another,in my opinion,it is an extremely dangerous behaviour.There is a saying goes that an injury is all dead.As is the same as putting all eggs in one braket.For example,one person put all his money into the stock market.There will be a big fortune if the stock 'value is added.Otherwise,there will be a disaster for him and her family,even affecting the family harmony.Therefore,it is not wise to put all eggs in one braket. In a conclusion ,there is a high risk of putting all eggs in one braket.Sometimes it causes the result so harmful that you can't remedy on whatever you spend much time and effort .If putting all eggs in one basket has more negative impacts than positive impacts,why we don't put eggs separately in each bracket?