建议适当增加些复杂句的使用;文中词汇表达较丰富恰当,学术词汇使用稍显不足;语言不流畅;连词使用偏少。
Welcome to my hometown!I am really glad to introduce my hometown,Maoming,a city with clear rives and green mountains. As we all know,if you travel to Beijing,you have to go to The ChangChang.And if you visit Maoming,you have to go the beach in the east of the city,which is famous as "the first beach in China".There is no denying that this beach is a correctly nice choose for you to enjoy you summer vocation.In addition, drifting is worth to try.In Maoming,there are many place to drift.Some are nature,others are artificial. If you feel boring about water,don't worry.You can climb the mountains,such Tianma Moutain,the highest moutain in Maoming.There are also many beautiful place in Maoming,when you visit it,Ibelieve that you would like this city.