采用了恰当的衔接手法,层次清晰;拼写很棒,可适当增加高级词汇的使用;句式变化较为明显,可适当增加从句的使用。
Dear Editor, I’m a senior high student. Now many students use mobile phones. It is no doubt that mobile can bring more convenience to us in our daily live, but some students even bring their mobile phones to classroom and cause many problems in their study. If they bring their mobile phones to their classroom, it is inescapably that other students will be disturbed by the ring from the mobile phone,it is not only a barrier for teachers to teaching, it also make student's study more hardly. On the other hand, the students often like to send their messages to their friends through their mobile phones during class. It means that their will lose many chance of study, if this problem continue,it is not doubt that many students' academic results will be affected. There are two reasons for why they bring their mobile phones to classroom and we must do something to stop these situation. First, they think that these mobile phone can make them more trendy. We need to teach students that a trendy student is never means they will be success. On the contrary, it means these students is not hard-working in their study and it make them more hard to be success, we need to guide to think that if student can be successful in their future, they can be more trendy. Second, they like to use their mobile phones to contact, but there is a lot of chance to study in classroom, it is not worth that abandoning the study opportunities for just contacting with their friends because we can spend free time to contact with our friends and families. Yours sincerely Li Hua