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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用高级词汇就更好了；正确句子比例较高，适当增加复杂句的使用，文章会更出色；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
Believe in Yourself，And You Will Win One night in August when I was doing my physics exercises，I met a difficult problem. Forty minutes passed I still couldn’t work it out.. The answer was on the last few pages of the book. How I wanted to see the answer! But our teacher told us to do our homework by ourselves! My sister was in senior Two. Then she wanted to help me. But I refused. I studied the note and read my text book again and again. Finally，from one example my teacher gave us，I worked the problem out! How happy I was! Now friends，remember “Believe in yourself，and you will win.”
