文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用高级词汇就更好了;作者句法知识很棒,适当增加从句的使用,会取得更不错的成绩;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用。
A Beautiful City In China JiLin is such a beautiful city,and you'll love it at the first sight I suppose.To start our journey,I'll show you the pretty lake,which called ChaGan River in our location.Loads of people come here to spend their holiday, especially in winter,to enjoy “Winter Hunting"and tastes delicious winter fish.I'm sure you'll adore it. After that, we can enjoy many parks around the city,such as Olimpic park,ChengJiSiHan park,NaRenHan park and more.The most obvious difference between these parks is their theme.You know ChengJiSiHan is a super hero in our history,so the residents built this park to keep him in memory.In some states,visiting different parks around a city is a good way to know more about its history. Anyway,there are so many interesting places in my hometown,and I can't wait to hang with you.