可适当增加从句和长句的使用;上下文衔接稍显不流畅;作者能较准确地使用丰富的词汇,但请认真检查词汇的拼写;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
My views on Online Shopping Nowadays,it is more and more popular for people to go shopping online.All my opinions about online shopping are as follows. On the one hand, online shopping has many advantages.First of all,we can save our time ,because we donot need to go to the mall.We only need click the mouse. second we can acquire more informations about all kinds of goods that we want to buy. and we can also buy something that we cannot buy in the location.Last but not the least,it's very convient for us to go shopping on the internet.The shop on Internet,for example taobao.com,360buy.com are open for almost 24 hours a day so we can buy something we want at any time if we like. What's more, we needn't to wait in a queue. However,on the other hand,online shopping also has many disadvantages.for example,we can't see the things while we are shopping. so we are not sure whether they are good or not. Besides, we can't enjoy the happiness of shopping with our friends. So I think that we can go shopping online ,but we can not give up to go shopping with our friends.We can go shopping online ,when we need to buy many goods or we do not have enough time to go shopping with friends .if we have time ,please try your best to go shopping in the mall.