文章组织结构良好;文中单词拼写做的不错,另外再增加词汇量积累就更好了;文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用。
My hometown Dali is a beautiful city in China, I love it ,I hope you will love it. There are many mountains around my city , the famous mountain is Cangshan Mountain, there is always snow on it. Many visitors come to Dali ,like to climb it and take many photos. There is a beautiful lake called Erhai Lake ,the water is as blue as sky.When you walk along the lake , soft wind blow to me, you will feel comfortable. Also you can have a voage ,you get on a big ship , take a good trip with it. when you come to Dali, I will show you around the beautiful city.