文中衔接词和过渡词使用的很棒;用词灵活多样,也能较灵活地使用一些高级词汇;文中应增加从句和复合句的使用。
Nowadays,many university students are trying to win their first bucket of gold during their four-year university life.It was reported that a few second-and third-year students in a provincial university opened six small shops near their university to prepare for the future.It becomes a hot spot in society soon.Some argue that it may occupy too much of the students' time and energy to manage their shops, however, others consider this trying as a useful lesson for these students. For my point of view, with the famous saying goes, genuine knowledge comes from practice.Therefore, for university students, especially some economic management major students, going in for small business really can help to transform their theory which is learned from books to practical experience.It can also be precious treasures for their adapting better in society after graduation. As for wasting time which opponents highlight as a reason, actually, as a second or third-year student, they must choose a direction of their future,either devoting their lives to academic fields or working in company.This kind of trying can provide a chance to students for thinking which direction suits them. All in all, university is not a hermitical box,and students are also an individual of society.If a person who didn't try the depth of water in the river is by his feet walks through river immediately, he may be drowned in the river.So as students who enter the society without preparation.