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可适当增加文中长句和复杂句的使用；文章高级词汇使用熟练，词汇表达较为丰富；行文稍显不流畅，应增加文中衔接词的使用。
Do part-time job：A better choice for college students Until recently whether college students should do part-time job has been in the limelight. Some people frown at it,saying that it may lose their time needed for sleep,rest,study and reaction. On the contrary,others are for it. Doing part-time job in college,personally,will do good to college students from following reasons. First and foremost,a part-time job brings students more money and helps them reduce their parents' economic burdens. Secondly,part-time job would strengthen students' ability to deal with things. As students,not only should they study hard,but they should learn to how to deal with things so that they can be more independent. Doing part-time job can practice their ability to manage things,so it is a good chance for students to practice. To sum up,taking into account all the relevant factors which affect and contribute to the attitude,we may safely conclude that doing part-time job hold great superiority.
