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作者句法知识很棒，适当增加从句的使用，会取得更不错的成绩；不能熟练使用过渡词，文章结构欠佳；文章用了较为丰富的词汇，学术词汇略显单薄，同时注意单词拼写的检查。
recently, there is hot debate about wether the college students should employ the clearer to do cleaning . some people may say that college sutudents have their own right to decide their own personal affairs. but , as a college strdents, it is not good for us to hire cleaner. firstly, as a students, we should learn to be independent. we should develop the ability to do the things by ourselves . if we do everythings under others' help, we may suffer frustration when we step into society. what's more , hiring clearner shows us that the college students are to lazy. they have the wrong value of labour. this attitudes may lead to live a aweful life in their future. at last ,i want to say, college students are indifferent to their parents' money. their show less grateness to their attitudes. at last, as a college ,we should know that it is time for us to be independent, to reward to our family, our sociey, our country.
