过渡词很丰富,衔接词同时使用的恰到好处;文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用高级词汇就更好了;文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用。
Nowadays,happiness which has many means in different people's heart.As for me,happiness thatI can stay with my parents, my parents are healthy and work well.It is sound so easy,in reality,is too difficult.First,I‘m a high school student who should stay at school every day and live with my pupil.Only in holiday,such as,weekends,festival,I can back home.Of course,at home,my duty is doing homework.In a sense,I not have quite a lot of time which accompany with my families.In addition,my parent who has own work,sometimes,when I have leisure time,maybe they don't have,it's so sad for us.For this purpose,we take a plan that we should walking or do anything together once a month,and also when I back home who need to have dinner at table. My parent and I use this approach which think is happiness.