有效地采用了多种衔接方法,层次清晰;文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用;作者能较熟练、灵活地使用词汇,建议要多使用高级词汇。
Nowadays,happiness which has many means in different people's heart.As for me,happiness that I can accompanion my parents.It is sound so easy,in reality,is too difficult.First,I‘m a high school student who should stay at school every day and live with my pupil.Only in holiday,such as,weekends,festival,I can back home.Of course,at home,my duty is doing homework.In a sense,I not have quite a lot of time which accompany with my families.In addition,my parent who has own work,sometimes,when I have leisure time,maybe they don't have,it's so sad for us.For this purpose,we take a plan that we should walking or do anything together once a month,and also when I back home who need to have dinner at table. My parent and I use this approach which think is happiness.