文中词汇表达不够丰富,高级词汇方面要多累积;加强一些长句和复杂句的使用;可适当增加连接词和衔接词的使用。
A beautiful city in China is Shanghai that what I thought.When I was eighteen years old,I have been go to college in Shanghai alone.That was the first time to Shanghai.I feel here was really hot in my first feeling.But now,it's the same as my hometown. Shanghai is a real beautiful city in my mind.I perfect like the subway in Shanghai.It can take people to everywhere people want to in Shanghai.Shanghai is a beautiful city.That has many place can visit.For example,Dongfang Mingzhu Tower,Huangpu River,Nanjing Road. I had been to visit Nanjing Road.There are mang stores to shopping.And there are center in Shanghai. So,I really like Shanghai.It take a lot memory to me.