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文中应适当增加从句和长难句的使用；作者词汇基础不错，高级词汇使用比较灵活；文章采用了适当的过渡词和衔接词，结构比较严谨。
A strong will is of great importance for some people who want to succeed.Maybe most of people put more emphasis on a person's talent,but as we all know the story of great people,anyone intelligent also need a strong will on their life of struggling.Provided that insisiting one thing become a difficulty for them,so intelligent people can’t acquire more knowledge to assure that they go on with their road. As I say above,a great people rely on strong will to attain their own goals as well.For example,Ma Yun,the richest people of Asia.His success depends on not only his intelligence,but also his strong will.At the beginning of founding business,there were many obstacles scattered here and there,which seriously stoped him from moving forward,however,he didn't choose to give up but insist doing what he think is right.Gradually his business turned up.speak here,I suddenly remmenber someone saying that when others succeed,a large number of people merely see the surface and not see hardship concealed in the back. In a consequence,a person with a strong will can achieve great missions.To conclude,strong will is the important purchase of success.As for students,we are supposed to seize opportunities by studying hard.Only through our own efforts can we realize own value of life.We should develop our strong will,so we can still head towards our dreams. In a conclusion,whatever we do,a strong will is a indispensable factor of success.
