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可适当增加从句和复杂句使用；作者词汇基本功很好，在高级词汇方面希望能更熟练的使用文章结构不错，使用了丰富的衔接词和过渡词。
My Online Love Affair With the development of the Internet, the majority of us will choose to use the social media to keep in touch with other people, such as Facebook and Ins. For many teenagers, we are full of energy and enthusiasm to get exposed to them. Owing to the popularity of the social media, many new nouns appear, including online love affair. I also have one experience of falling in love with a man on the Internet. It happened after I broke with my boyfriend. At that time, I was so upset and turned to the strangers on the Internet for comfort. A man whose nickname was John came into my sight and we began to chat with each other. He told me that he was running a restaurant and he was a single man. He showed that he wanted to make a friend just like me sincerely. I believed him without any doubt and I told him my personal information without any save. At first, I just took him for a common friend and we exchanged our thoughts or life experience with each other. After three months, we began using some intimate discourse to address each other. He is completely a warm gentleman in my mind. At that moment, I was crazy about him and fell in love with him. Later on, he asked me "would you want to be my girlfriend?". "Yes. But I need sometime for us to know more about each other." I answered. We just saw each other's photos through the Internet and we did not meet each other in real life. I didn't realize anything wrong until one day he told me that "Honey,my business suffered a great loss and needed a large number of capital for operation. Can you help me? At that time, I was so crazy about him that I remitted two thousand dollars to him. After receiving my money, he sent me a gift showing his appreciation and he promised that he would return my money when his business was getting profits. However, after one month, he said to me" Honey, I am so sad,my mother is in serious sick and needs a large amount of money for cure." I didn't have so much money. Therefore I turned to my friend for help. After hearing the story of us, my friend reminded me that he would be a lair and helped me come up with a solution that asked him to take me to visit his parents. I was so willing to do that, but my friend urged me so I chatted with him that night and told him my demand. At first, he condemned me for the fact that I did not believe him and our love.He said: " Honey, you changed, you do not believe me at all, I am so upset upon your words." I also reflected myself that maybe my behavior was wrong. At last, I persisted that I wanted to visit his mother. What happened after? He came down the net indirectly and did not contact with any more. By that time I realized that I had been cheated by him and I was more upset and heart-broken. I was so desperate. There was a time that I just stayed at home and stay sad all day. At that time, my friends and relatives often came to comfort me and my mother took me out for a travel to escape this sad place. Thanks to them, I came over and regained my confidence. From this experience, I became cautious and careful when I made friends online. I was afraid that I was cheated again. After this affair, I completely did not use social media for almost three months and I did not want to think over this affair again. It was after three months that I had the courage and confidence to reflect myself again. Actually, although that man should be punished and condemned, I also needed self-criticizing. At that time, when I broke up with my boyfriend, if I chose to complain or talk to my friends, instead of choosing strangers on the Internet, I would not come across him. Or when I made friends on the Internet, I could be more careful and more reasonable. Do not choose to believe other people easily. But when a woman was in love, she was easy to be blind, especially when you are devoted all yourself into it. I was that kind of person. Of course, towards money, if I could be more cautious, I would not be cheated by him and I would not suffer great pain mentally and materially. Certainly, it was also because I was not familiar with the function of the internet. Later, I also heard that many people around me also suffered such a bad experience as me. Some of them were cheated out of money, and some of them were cheated out of emotion. Few of them were lucky that they could have a good result. What's more, many of us all learnt a lesson from those experience and we all became more reasonable the next time we used social media. In today's world, owing to the development of the technique and Internet, we can keep in touch with our friends through social media and we are supposed to collect information through many channels instead of newspaper only. However, it also brought many difficulties and problems to our daily life. It seemed that we were getting more and more closed with the outside world, but actually an invisible wall was set up between us and the outside world. The majority of us tend to not believe other people. These phenomena lead our society into a bad result that we are living in a society in which people do not believe each other from the heart. From my own experience mentioned above, I also learnt a lesson that when we were making friends with other people on the Internet, we are supposed to be careful and cautious when they asked our personal information. What impresses me most is that we cannot disclose our personal information, on the other hand, we cannot be interested in other people's privacy either. To some extent, we should respect other people that we can get the reciprocal from other people. Only by this way, we can create a healthy environment for us to make friends online.
