作者能较灵活准确地使用词汇表达,但学术词汇的积累还有很大的空间;从句比例偏少,简单句稍微偏多了;文章采用了适当的过渡词和衔接词,结构比较严谨;请提高文章内敛性,段落和句子要围绕主题展开。
Dear Director, I am a graduate who completed my curriculums in the Department of Foreign Economy and Trade within four years.I am writing the letter for the purpose of applying for another diploma in that the old one has been lost somehow. Here are the reasons why I am in desperate need of the diploma.First of all,I am looking for a highly attractive position in a multinational company which places stress upon the academic background of its personnel.For another,an original diploma is of vital importance to any graduate because it concerns a person's future career.Finally,diploma means much to the salary and welfare in many corporations. I shall be much obliged if you are so kind as to let me have the new copy of the diploma.I look forward to your response at your earliest convenience. Yours truly, Zhang Wei