托福独立写作模拟题:关于金钱

采用了恰当的衔接手法，层次清晰；可适当增加从句的使用；拼写很棒，可适当增加高级词汇的使用。

It is important to make large amounts of money, but trying make more money is not always controversial to a comfortable living. So, my opinion is that we should make as much money as we can when we could spare our time to enjoy our lives. Money is not devils and making money is not wrong if we make our money in a correct way. Money is so important and we depend on it to pay our livings, afford our health care insurances, to buy houses etc. and we need to earn plenty of to ensure our future living. After we spend enough time with our family and do plenty exercise to built a healthy body, we should earn lots of money to built a better life for our family. But making money should not become the only thing in our life. In this world, many people want to make enough money that they have little time to spend with their children and could not enjoy their life. Moreover, in order to satisfy their greed, they choose some illegal approaches. In this way, nearly every country has plenty corrupted officials. And this is exactly why now we need face so many environmental problems. Not only human but our governments as well, try to make money through unsustainable development. In this way, money becomes a monster in front of us. So, although money is just an implement to ensure our comfortable life, if we could spend our time with our family and to enjoy our life, and if we could earn our money in a just way, trying to make large amounts of money is important.