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采用了适当的衔接手法，层次清晰；可适当增加复杂句和从句的使用；请作者加强词汇表达的灵活性，但文中有较多拼写错误。
the beautifu city in Chian I think the most beautifu city in Chian is my hometown ,Shenzhen.There are many beaches and many beatuifu as well as interesting place in there . Nowadays,in shenzhen, DONGmen is a valuable place for us to go shopping .There are many main strees and malls there .If you shopping there ,you will think the price of goods are competitive and reasonable . Shenzhen not only is a good place to shopping but also is a good place to relax . There are a lot of sea and beaches such as Dameisha and Jiaochangwei etc. Now ,there is an increasing number of people come to Shenzhen in order to relax . You can have a walk arter the dinner . Also, you can throw a party or BBQ with your friends . As we all known , shenzhen is near the HongKong , thus,it is pretty convient for us to come to HongKong . All in all , when you want to hve a trip ,Shenzhen is a good choice for you to select.
