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全文结构较为严谨；可适当增加从句和复杂句的使用，注意文中的几处句子错误；文中能较好的使用一些高级词汇，不过拼写错误比较多。
Now many package of business commodity are overpacked, the appearence of the commodityis too luxious and wasterful. Why these curious phenomenons happened? What we want is thecommodity itself,not the skin of the package that is useless to us .It take us too many money and incease our finance. The reason of the risen circumstance is possibly the beauty what is more pursued by people.Everyone likes the beauty of the world,such as butiful clothes ，bags,watches etc. Especially, when we give gifts to our friends, packages of the commodity is more beautiful than the no package of the commodity .When our friends accept the gifts ,he or she is very happy at sight of the package of the gifts. I think it is reasonable to package some business commodity,but it is appropriate to the commodity.
