文中衔接词丰富;可适当增加从句的使用,注意文中的一些小错误;作者平时练习中应扩充词汇量,注意几处拼写错误。
Now many packages of business commodity are overpacked, the appearence of the commodityis too luxious and wasteful. Why these curious phenomena are happened? What we want is the commodity itself,not the skin of the package that is useless to us .It take us too much money and increase our finances. The reason on the risen circumstance is possibly the beauty what is more pursued by person. Everyone likes the beauty of the world,such as beautiful clothes ,bags,watches etc. Especially, when we give gifts to our friends, packages of the commodity are more beautiful than the no package of the commodity .When our friends accept the gifts ,he or she is very happy at sight of the package of the gifts. I think it is reasonable to package of some business commodity,but it is appropriate to the commodity.