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可适当增加从句和复杂句使用；文章词汇使用较为恰当灵活，希望能更熟练地使用高级词汇文章采用了适当的过渡词和衔接词，结构比较严谨。
Provided that one of my foreign friends is to pay a visit to my hometown, the very place of interest i am going to show him around must be the amusement land where he can both experience the thrill of flying down from the high hill but also be exposed to a totally exotic culture. While the man-made hill in the amusement land is not that high, our heart can not help beating fast when we jump from the top. Of course, it's just one game with safety guaranteed. I do recommend it. It's thrilling and exciting. After the game, I'd like to invite him to small royal garden in another part of the land. There, bridges and flowing water create a different world where quietness is available. Everyone entering that place will automatically slowe their pace, in case he misses any one special moment. In all, the amusement land in our hometown is worth a visit.
