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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用高级词汇就更好了；正确句子比例较高，适当增加复杂句的使用，文章会更出色；层次不清晰，几乎没有使用衔接词。
Dear Editor, I’m a senior high student. Now many students use mobile phones .They think it’s a fashion to use mobile phones .Besides ,it’s very convenient to get in touch with their families and friends by using mobile phones. But some students break the rules in class. They bring their mobile phones to the classroom and we often hear the ring of mobile phones in class. Some of them even waste precious time in class typing short messages on the mobile phones . In my opinion ,the classroom is a place for students to gain knowledge .Therefore quietness is badly needed for us to learn our lessons .Those with mobile phones shouldn’t take mobile phones to the classroom . We are supposed to concentrate on our studies. The school should make a rule to forbid the students to use mobile phones in the classroom. Yours sincerely Li Hua
