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采用了恰当的衔接手法，层次清晰；作者词汇基础很好，也能较灵活使用高级词汇，望继续努力；作者句法基本功不错，可适当增加从句的使用。
In the evening of 16 September, it was a good time for family reunion. Nonetheless an incredible event has happened, Mr Qiao Renliang has passed away. When I heard the new, I thought it was a malicious trick by the media, I didn't believe it before his agent supported it. When he was alive, he was not a famous star, although he did a lot of TV shows. For the first time, I really known this guy was on a TV program named "we are in love" in Jiangsu satellite in the show, he was a warm and cheerful man, with a special smile, free and easy character, always care for others in his own way, and sometimes he was also more than childishness. He is the first man I have ever seen whom love painted eye-liner and pink. However, such an outward looking man who died of depression, only 28 years old. Somebody ridicule and somebody lament, I'm not his fas, but I'm so bad. Why does he suffer from depression? Finally, I found the reason: the power of public opinion. He has been living under the pressure of public opinion and person's language is like a sword to hurt him. Since then, no one in the world will say with a smile "hello, I'm KiMi " I often wonder that if the community is friendly to him, maybe we will keep such a talented boy. Public opinion has caused countless lives to pass, please don't go to regret after it happened.
