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文中衔接词和过渡词使用的很棒；作者词汇基本功很好，高级词汇表达也比较恰当；作者句法基本功不错，可适当增加从句的使用。
A More self-centered and Unsympathetic Generation Globalization and information revolution have brought many benefits to our mankind, while at the same time, shape a more self-centered and unsympathetic generation. It seems contradictory that how should convenient communication distant the mankind. Yes, we traditionally think that today we live in an earth village, where people all over the world can contact each other through our mobile phone, iPad and many other electronic devices. But facts prove that we are more self-centered and have less communication with each other. Traditionally, we emphasize rites both in public place and at home. We seldom dedicate ourselves to a lifeless object in a family meeting or a public conference. But today, it`s a common phenomenon that many people set round a table saying nothing to each other but playing their own mobile phones. In a family union, the grandparents and parents have no chance to chat with their children because the children are obsessed with playing games and look at their mobile phone all the time. They care little for the people who love them, only trying to satisfy their own needs, thus being very self-centered. In additional, internet provides an convenient platform for us to share our feelings and thoughts, but some people just seek their own interests while ignore others` interests and disclose others` privacy so as to attract more people and increase their publicity, which have cause much damage to the victims. They become so unsympathetic that many people suffer from this too much. In exception of the cyber obloquy, there are also many frauds, information leakage and so forth. Therefore, the present generation has become bot only more self-centered but also more unsympathetic, which deserve our deep refection.
可可英语 - 划词释义
