增加一些从句的使用,文章会更不错;文中高级词汇不足;行文流畅,但衔接词比较少。
Hello, I am Mary who wants to be your feiend . There are many students learn with me. I study in Yuying middle school There are many great teachers and big playground . It has built ten years ago. It has two classroom buildings and a big playground. Every classroom is built very beautiful. There are twenty-one boys and twenty girls in our class. I like music lesson. I think music is very interesting. I like taking part in sports meeting. So I am do well in sport. I always run in the playground everyday. It can make me more healthy.