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可增加从句和复杂句的使用；恰当的使用了过渡词和衔接词，衔接手法做的很棒；文中高级词汇的使用需加强，另外要注意词汇拼写的检查。
Welcome to my beautiful hometown, which have a great of amazing scene. fisrly, I'd like to introduce the Great wall, this constrution is the reflection of history.If you love a diffrent culture ang civilization, you can go there and find a lot of historical remains.Secondly, whether you like or not, travel to China, you must go to the Tian An Men. I would like to take you to see there because that the place is Chinese started, Maozhedong was declear that the PRC was founfed in 1949. Inside of Tian An Men ,Maozhedong's bodyis keeping cpmpletely,so traveler can visiting the great man. Lastly, as my friend,I will invite you to my home, it is in Qingyuan, Guangdong. and also have a many of beautiful spot.Such as Lianzhou under ground river, it is mean a river of under the ground , it have colorful lights,the lights reflect to the water, you will see a colorful river. I think the 3 spot are not enogh to you, if you have the rest of time, I can get you more amazing scene spot. I have be exoected you
