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从句使用不足，建议增加长句和复杂句的使用；作者能较灵活地使用词汇，学术词汇使用较恰当，但存在一些拼写错误；文章层次不够分明，缺少组织，需注意文章整体的组织结构。
It is not uncommon that some university students go in for business. This phenomenon has rised public attention. In my opinion university students should not go in for business. What are the possible reasons? To begin with, we should treasure the limited time in schools. In the whole journey of our life, we only spent 20 years in schools. It is a short time for us th accumulate knowledge and it is a value time. When we in school, we can concentration on study, broaden our horizens from books. It can make a steady basis for our further success and a heyday of our career in the future. Then, the knowledge is the base of success. No matter which job you choose, the knowledge is neccessity. For example, if you want to be a teacher, you should have the knowledge about the course and the technique of teaching. But if you go in for business instead of studying, you can only get the meaningless experience without knowledge. Moreover, you can take advantage of school society. If you really want to adapt better to socirty after graduation, you can take part into the school society.You can gain experiences from it and no waste time on it. School society is the best choice. In a word, studying in school not only broadens our horizons, leading us to a new world, but also cultivates our taste, and shapes our worldview and value. Therefore, we should treasure the time in school.
