采用了恰当的衔接手法,层次清晰;作者句法基本功不错,可适当增加从句的使用;作者词汇基础扎实,拼写也很棒。
Of all the phenomenon that has existed recently , perhaps the most thought-provoking is that Internet has gradually become a new space for human where they are more likely to live . According to a recent survey , the number of netizen in China is 731 million ,among which mobile users account for 95% . Admittedly , the expansion of Internet , especially in network communication , has made earthshaking changes in contemporary world . Internet seems to be an irreplaceable platform served people , which enhance efficiency in many fields to some extent . CNNIC has announced the 39th National Internet development statistics report , there are more than 90% of netizen use instant messaging services , over 60% do online payment and 138 million people have their courses online . By this token ,Internet brings about various advantages , the first and foremost of which is to give born to new perceptions of modern life . Besides , it is e-government that is vigorously promoted by Chinese Government , meanwhile , the integration of online service platform will be constructed , which will break up the barriers of information between the communications of government’s sectors. Nevertheless , accepting convenience from this virtual world unconditionally presents an increasingly serious challenge to youngsters’ growths . According to investigation and statistics , there are 417 million network game players and the number of active WeChat users monthly has risen as large as 877 million. What has been mirrored from the data is a not uncommon phenomenon that young adults tend to rely on Internet in an irrationally way and it is bound to some negative consequences if we keep turning a blind eye to it . To begin with , it will exert detrimental impacts on critical thinking because students will gradually lose the interest of thinking independently . Then , buried in Internet , convenience is gaining at the cost of real life . Nowadays , an overwhelming students fall victims to network society , causing many undesirable results in bodies and minds . To conclude, it is highly unfeasible for youngsters to become a generation of Internet addicts. So, the effective countermeasures to this thorny problem should be taken promptly . Firstly , the related departments are supposed to set aside sufficient annual budget to the Internet construction, preventing from inadequate pervasion of information . Secondly, it is the fact that people’s awareness is not that strong in such a colorful virtual world. The media should step up efforts to publicize the true value of social networking , creating a safe and healthy environment . Finally , our individual should attach great importance to the real life rather than Internet , we should enrich sparetime interests such as reading and travelling .