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采用了恰当的衔接手法，层次清晰；作者句法知识掌握的不够好，可适当增加从句的使用；作者词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒。
Of all the phenomenon that has existed recently , perhaps the most thought-provoking is that Internet has gradually become new space for human where they are more likely to live . According to a recent survey, the number of netizen in China is 731 million ，among which mobile users account for 95%. Admittedly , the expansion of Internet , especially in network communication , has made earthshaking changes in the contemporary world . Internet seems to be an irreplaceable platform served people , which enhance efficiency in many fields to some extent . CNNIC has announced the 39th National Internet development statistics report , there are more than 90% of netizen using instant messaging services , over 60% doing online payment and 138 million people having online courses . By this token ，Internet brings about various advantages , the first and foremost of which is to give born to new perceptions of modern life . Additionally, it is Chinese Government that vigorously promotes e-government , meanwhile , the integration of online service platform will be constructed , which will break up the barriers of informational communications between government’s sectors. Nevertheless , accepting convenience from this virtual world unconditionally presents an increasingly serious challenge to youngsters’ growths . According to investigation and statistics , the number of monthly active WeChat users has risen as marvelous as 877 million , with 417 million playing network game . What has been mirrored from the data is a not uncommon phenomenon that young adults tend to rely on Internet in an irrationally way and it is bound to some negative consequences if we keep turning a blind eye to it . To begin with , it will exert detrimental impacts on critical thinking because students will gradually lose the interest of thinking independently . Then , buried in Internet , convenience is gaining at the cost of real life . Nowadays , overwhelming students fall victims to network society , causing many undesirable results in bodies and minds . To conclude, it is highly unfeasible for youngsters to become a generation of Internet addicts. So, the effective countermeasures to this thorny dilemma should be taken promptly . Firstly , the related departments are supposed to set aside sufficient annual budget to the Internet construction, preventing from inadequate pervasion of information . Secondly, it is the fact that people’s awareness is not that strong in such a colorful virtual world. The media should step up efforts to publicize the true value of social networking , creating a safe and healthy environment . Finally , our individual should attach great importance to the real life rather than Internet , we should enrich sparetime interests such as reading and travelling .
