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可适当增加从句和长句的使用；文章词汇表达丰富，若多用学术词汇多检查几遍单词拼写就更好了；结构不严谨，几乎没有使用衔接词，上下文衔接欠流畅。
Travel has become a sociaization trendency since people wanted to live colorful lifes. There are lots of benefits of traveling, which most important, travel broadens people's minds in enjoying the nature, learning culture and making more friends. Travel broadens people's minds in enjoying the nature. Suppose you are on vocation now, what will you do at home without traveling? Serfing the Internet, watching TV or reading books. All in all, you have no chance to enjoy sunshine, praise mountains and rivers. Lots of ancient poems got inspirations from the nature, it must be a loss if you stay at home rather than travel. Travel broadens people's minds in learning culture. So many cities are called Culture of the Ancient Capital such as Beijing and Xi'an. Even in a common city, it is easy to learn some customs differ in your own cities. The way local people speaking, the foods they prefer and table manners,the origin of old building etc.These cultures combined together in your minds, and it seems different thoughts are moving into your heads. Travel broadens people's minds in making more friends. Most people will ask the way when they are in somewhere strange to them. And they are more likely to show friendly to get help. So making friend will not be difficult. As for the benefits of making friends, everyone has known. We can not move a step without friends. So you see, travel brodens the minds in three aspects. If you have chance, do not hesitate, just choose to travel.
