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有效地采用了多种衔接方法，层次清晰；复杂句采用很棒；文章用了较为丰富的词汇，学术词汇略显单薄，同时注意单词拼写的检查；请注意分段。
As the saying goes :keep on and we will success.As we all know ,all the famous people in the world would not successed without a stong will . Only keep on doing anything and have a strong will ,will we can make a great achievement then arrive the top moutain .It is a good sample like Einstain ,even though he was failure in a ton of experiments,but after his effort,he was successed inventing light bulb ,it is a great invention for our people even the world .If Einstain didn't continue to research,mabey the world will be put back a few years later to meet the light .So we should know that only these people who have a strong emotion will make a great different for our socil .Connected to our young,and we should have a strong will to do anything ,anyone should be know that we will not meet the rainbow without experienced wind and rain .
