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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；作者句法知识很棒，适当增加从句的使用，会取得更不错的成绩；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
nowadays, more and more pressure of students were given. with the heavy pressure , a little student lack of the mental health and choose to end their life . what a shock news ! so , it is more and more importance for students to improve their mental health. for this , no matter the school or students ,all should pay much attention for this aspect. for school , it should hold more attendance about the mental health .for example , it can contain that teach students how to lessen pressure , and how to have a good mood and so on. besides, teachers should obverse students' mood at every time. if have caught something wrong , teachers should have a talk with student at once. and for student itself , students should have a good mood at life. having a optimist attitude to face the trouble on the life .when meeting the trouble , it can for help from the teacher or family , and also can talking with friends .however ,learning how to lessen the pressure , and improve the mental health , it is good to us .
