可适当增加长句和复杂句的使用;行文稍欠流畅,应适当增加连接词的使用;文中词汇表达较为灵活,学术词汇需要加强,单词拼写要认真。
How to improve school safety Since 2010 our country has taken place plenty of objects that were school savage acts, which made us Chinese astonished.This also made us think about the fact that is the school safety.How to avoid the savage acts? What can we do? Here is my opinions for this. First,the campus should make some rules and regulationston to treat the behaviour.As far as I'm concerned,the most important reason that couse this is school management. Just like the opposition to Janpanese, if there was no strong manage systerm among our army,our revolutionists will not beat the Japanese.Aiming this ,I suggest the campus need some security guards,for it can improve the arrogance. Second,the goverment should take concerted actions at the same time,such as making laws and publicizing the safety common knowledge. In a word, combining school and goverment,we will make a safe and beautiful school, and we must strongly believe the brighter day is approaching.