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采用了恰当的衔接手法，层次清晰；能够很好的使用长难句且句法很棒；作者词汇基础扎实。
In accordance with what is detailedly demonstrated in the bar chart above,we can observe distinctly that some significant changes have taken place in terms of the average age of first marriage age in a big city in China.It increased from approximately 22 in 1980 to nearly 24 in 1990,and then soared to roughly 27 in 2000. Apparently,it is of no difficulty for us to come up with some factors to account for these changes.At the top of the list,it is with the competition becoming increasingly fierce that more and more young people have changed their life style and they wish to embark on and ideal career before taking marriage into consideration.Therefore,marriage is no longer the single most essential thing for the young.What's more,many young people become more and more independent.They strive to find their ideal partners,and it usually takes long time for both parties to adapt to each other.Thus they often delay their marriage. Taking into consideration what has been discussed so far,I think the change of marriage age is a clear reflection of fundamental social changes in the past years.When folks are anxious to claim a higher and more independent life,they are likely to marry later.And it can be predicted that the present situation will continue for quite a while in the forthcoming years.
