句式变化较为明显,另外句法层面做的不错;适当增加学术词汇的使用,拼写错误稍微有点多;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用。
Recently, a heat topic accurs in an English newspaper that whether young people in China today are (not) more self-centered and unsympathetic than were previous generations. From my point of view, I support the idea that the young generations are better. Firstly, that we take care ourselves is the primary step to protect others, service others and even the society. As a old saying goes, every man for himself, and the devil takes the hindmost. If one doesn't have any ability to protect oneself, let alone that he able to contribute to others. In foreign countries, they accept the idea about indvidualism center which is their worldview and value. Thus, the young generations are wise than the precensants, because they know the idea of individualism which makes one better to contribute to society. Secondly, the young generations are warm-hearted than anyone else. It is not uncommon to see such news in the TV that someone who is a teenager survived the people who are in danger. These are firmly prove that the youngs are helpful. Although many young generations are the only child in their families, they more treasure what they own than the previous. Thirdly, the youngs have other qualities which the previous didn't have. In China, some teenagers can creat automobile machines that can help themselves or others in daily life. It never happens before. The interlectual, performing abilities are the special qualities that only belong to the young generations. All in all, the young generations have many potential abilities that hope the previous to search and appreciate. We are not the surface that others think like self-centered and unsympathetic.