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文章结构不错，使用了丰富的衔接词和过渡词；丰富从句的使用，文章会更出色；作者能较熟练、灵活地使用词汇，建议要多使用学术词汇。
Today my classmate got injured by football game, when he wanna to go to shoot the easy ball in the key moment , but he was hited by another team player. So he felt very sad and he only quit the game. After that, my other classmates , teacher and me go to hospital to visit him and tell him friendship is priority and match is under.But importantly, we have encourage him and told him every time no give up. According to this happened, i feel so happy that it is very important that the love not only in our family but also during with everyone. I hope if we can extend the love to the social , the result is that more and more help, less and less helpless.
