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作者词汇表达丰富度要继续提升，学术词汇使用过少；作者句法知识很棒，适当增加从句的使用，会取得更不错的成绩；结构不严谨，几乎没有使用衔接词，上下文衔接欠流畅。
Everyone hope success,but success is not easy.We need try a kings of things that we not contact in our day's life. So, If you want to success, you must have strong will. Firstly,what king of thing that make people have strong will?In my opinion,people should do the thing that love by myself and we must have goals. Some people give up work,because they do the things are not interesting and they not goals. So strong will is very important. If you want do the thing and make it prefect,you should known that strong will is necessary. Secondly, peoples who have strong mind can gain success and finishing work. As our country,we need good people to built our country.however,the good people should have strong will and believe that the things is finished in the end. As younger student,If you don't study hard and not hope get the goals,you not find work that you wand do it.So both country and personal have strong responsibility to built our country and believe we finish it by our strong will.
