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作者词汇表达丰富度要继续提升，学术词汇使用过少；可适当增加长句和复杂句的使用；结构不严谨，几乎没有使用衔接词，上下文衔接欠流畅。
Everyone hope to get success,but success is not easy.We need try a kings of things that we not contact in our day's life. So, If you want to success, you must have strong will. Firstly,what things that make people have strong will?In my opinion,people should do the thing that love by myself and we must have goals. Some people give up work,because they do the things are not interesting and they not purpose. So strong will is very important. If you want to do things and make it prefect,you should known that doing every things need strong will. Secondly, peoples who have strong mind can gain success and finishing work. As our country,we need good people to built our country.however,the good people should have strong will and believe that the things is finished in the end. As younger student,If you don't study hard and not hope get the goals,you not find work that you wand do it.So every personal have strong responsibility to building our country and believe we finish it by our strong will and hard work.
