文中词汇表达比较多样,能多用学术词汇就更好了;文章在句法方面做的很棒,复杂句的比例可适当提高;行文稍显不流畅,应增加文中衔接词的使用。
Always we say we will be the guy who we want to be. It seems if I want to become Chris Rock who is a comedy star in America, Iwill be.We dream we will achieve success just like Mayun or Chenguangju one day, but it's not an easy job.The sentence"we will be the guy who we want to be"means if the will be so strong that we can take 100 more times' actions than others, the dream will come true, or, it's just a dream forever. Nothing succeeds without a strong will.At our young age, our dreams had so much that we changed all the time.Even if when we grow up, the dream is incessantly changing.Most of us really don't know what is our favourite. As a result, we can't insist on doing it.If you find out the thing you love mostly, then you will find you get a strong will to keep on doing it until you achieve success.If the dream is not your real dream, you will give up when you face the difficulties. In conclusion, if you want to be successful, is the most important thing to cultivate your hobby, everyone should have one thing which you will keep doing on your whole life.