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文中词汇表达比较多样，能多用学术词汇就更好了；句法知识很棒，若增加一些从句的使用，文章会更出色；文章结构不够严谨，应增加过程性词汇的使用。
I think that Lora wants to work part-time for these reasons. First, she can make some pocket money to meet pet daily needs and thus develop a sense of independence. Second. she can learn how to deal with various problems in the workplace. Third, she can build up new friendships and improve bet social skills. But her parents may regard learning as an increasingly important task for Lora. This holiday should be a catch-up time for independent study. Besides, personal safety may also be one of their major considerations. My advice for Lora is this: make a detailed plan for her study and work; ask her friends to work together with her, and tell her parents that she can manage things properly. I wish Lora a pleasant summer.
